What do you do when a random person on the street asks you for help?

It’s a loaded question with no right or wrong response, but as an average citizen minding your own business when approached by a stranger, how do you react?

It’s easy to turn away, ignoring the person, pretending you didn’t hear them.

But it’s also difficult to turn away, ignoring their plight and what it is they really might need.

I must appear as a sympathetic person, or easy target, as I frequently get asked for assistance:  on the street, in the train station, at the airport, even in my worst physical state, which happened a few months ago as I was a stranger in a Southern city, wearing my typical t-shirt and shorts, a bit disheveled, as I navigated unfamiliar streets looking for a place to get takeout.

I didn’t appear polished or put-together, and I definitely didn’t appear as if I knew where I was going, which may have been my vulnerability, yet this woman with a stroller called out to get my attention.

Startled, I stopped, but first I took a step back. The ‘step-back’ approach is my instinctive fight or flight move when I’m confronted by a stranger.

In retrospect, there was no need for me to be nervous; she was clean, polite, probably about my age, and with a baby in a stroller. She kept a respectful distance and I asked if I could help her.

I assumed she wanted directions, so I started to explain I was from out of town, but mid-sentence stopped because I didn’t want to appear helpless. It turns out the assistance she wanted wasn’t directions but help to feed her grandchildren for the weekend, one of them tagging along with her for visual proof. She informed me she had no food stamps to get through the weekend.

I know what you’re thinking:  scam. Could be. That’s why I was leery initially. Trying to think on my feet, I start asking her questions. Stupid questions to buy time as I searched for a store on the street where I could purchase food for her grandchildren. I can’t find one, but I’d really like to help the grandchildren, assuming there are more, so instead, I reach into my wallet and give her a small bill.

She thanks me, and I’m almost embarrassed I didn’t give her more, but it’s the gnawing feeling in the back of my head that she might use the cash for something else that prevents me from being more generous.

So, therein lies the conundrum. We all want to help. We truly do. But how are we best helping? Are handouts on the street the quick fix to an uncomfortable encounter? Should I have taken it a step further and insisted on taking her to a store for some healthy food? How comfortable are we getting invested in a complete stranger’s problems and taking them at their word?

In the past when people have randomly approached me for a cup of coffee or a bite to eat, even asking for my leftover food, I’m happy to oblige; purchasing something concrete is more satisfying than wondering how the money will be spent. I am pleased to roll down my car window and give panhandlers any food I might have in the car rather than cash from my wallet (Don’t worry, Dad; I only do that during daylight.)

One savvy man I encountered parked himself outside of Starbucks on a cold winter’s day, asked me for a cup of coffee (Note:  I don’t even drink coffee but was randomly walking by), proceeded to tell me how he takes his java, and was humble in his request. I promptly rewarded him with a blueberry muffin to accompany his coffee.

This same scene unfolds in every city in every country; sadly, it’s universal and I’ve witnessed it in all climates, in all conditions. I feel as helpless as the person on the street asking for help.

The hungry and the cold and the poor live around us, searching for ways to be seen. While I don’t claim to have all the answers or even a quick-fix solution, I pause to give a shout out to those less fortunate who I may have impacted ever-so-slightly:

*The young man in 30^th Street Station who sidled up next to me and quietly whispered if I could purchase a ninety-nine-cent breakfast item for him. I gladly bought him more.

*The homeless man outside a department store in Chicago a week before Thanksgiving who held a sign asking for help. I give him a hug and a few dollars. His story made me cry.

*The blue-eyed panhandler, faithfully waiting on the Philadelphia side of the Ben Franklin Bridge, who cried because his childhood friend stumbled upon him in his current plight. I consoled him.

*The man who followed me into Wawa after I agreed to buy him a cup of coffee and kept shouting, “Thank you, Mama!” I had to ask him to keep it down.

*The frantic father with a small son who my own son and I encountered at the airport, claiming he had no money for transportation to leave the airport for a family emergency. This one made me really pause as I initially walked away, but looking at my own son, felt I should set a better example of kindness.

*And of course, to the grandma who wanted to feed her grandchildren. She I am most suspect about, but if her case was true, then I wish I had done more.

A braver soul may have handled the situation differently, taking stronger action than providing this grandma with a small bill. When I told my son about my encounter in his college town, he immediately reprimanded me for falling into her scam.  He could be right. We discussed what she might use the money for (drugs) and healthier ways to help (food), but it’s difficult to judge when you don’t understand the real hardship.

And it’s not easy, at least for me, to turn away so quickly.

Possibly it’s human connection they are after. To be seen. To be heard. To be acknowledged. We admittedly cannot help everyone, but a small gesture, especially at this time of year, could make a big difference in someone’s day.

Be brave, be kind, and be gentle, on yourself and the stranger you might stop to help.