I am tired, eternally and forever tired.  Fatigued beyond belief.  Without excuses, don’t-want-to-get-out-of-bed tired.  On a good day, I’m up and moving by 7:30 a.m.; on a bad day, I get up at 7 a.m. to feed the pets and go back to bed. For  three  more  hours.  What? How could I possibly need that much sleep?  Why I am suddenly so exhausted?

Back up a bit to realize I’ve also become a bit of a night owl.  Watching TV at night like I’ve never watched before, as if I can’t get enough of the images before me or the freedom of having the remote control to myself.  Jimmy Fallon and I are becoming fast friends, and his guests introduce me to their television series which in turn I then start to binge watch (thank you very much, Sarah Jessica Parker).  More dedicated hours to late nights in front of the TV.

It would only make sense that if I’m staying up until 1:00 a.m. to meet and greet Jimmy Fallon that I would be tired in the morning, but there are other contributing factors.

Back up a bit more to realize that my nest IS empty.  For the first time in almost 21 years, I have the house – and the remote – to myself.  No more rigorous schedules to be kept, no more sweaty uniforms to wash, no more meal planning or grocery shopping to get done before the school day is over.  Without a full nest or a complete house, my everyday schedule is off-kilter.  My mind is less cluttered.

This is not to say I don’t have a schedule any more, but it is not as complete or all-consuming or as fulfilling.  Hiking with two energetic Golden retrievers is a joy, but now I have all day long to complete this task.  Sure, getting to the gym is part of my routine but arriving on time for the 8:30 a.m. Interval Training class is a struggle; after all, there are other classes offered throughout the morning.  I still have the refrigerator semi-stocked which requires outings to the grocery store, and there are frequent trips to the post office to mail forgotten items or fun care packages to respective colleges, but this new schedule rarely requires deadlines which allows more time to squander.

Closets throughout the house to clean out?  Check.  Pictures to organize from the last few years of our lives? Check. Desk to organize and declutter?  Ummm…Well, it’s nice to know that some things stay the same…

From this brief unscientific analysis, I can deduce that the less I have to do, the less I feel like doing, so it takes me more time to get fewer tasks done. Result: I am tired.  Tired like I have never been before.  Is that an appropriate conclusion or an unexpected outcome?

What’s a girl to do with a void she saw coming but didn’t plan for adequately? WRITE.  Write like it’s her job and maybe one day it will be.  Write like nobody’s business. Write until her heart is content.  Write so that her heart becomes healed.  Write…so she has a legitimate reason to be tired again.