The discussion is not new. The observation is not revealing. Yet reflecting on the difference between boys and girls never ceases to fascinate me. Especially when these long-tested stereotypes played out in our driveway on Halloween.

So, here is my Halloween Story of 2021, featuring The Difference Between Boys and Girls:

The demographics in our neighborhood have changed since we moved in fourteen years ago. Typically on Halloween the kids Trick-or-Treating flood the streets, running from door to door to grab the best selection of treats. There was a good, old-fashioned feel to it. Warmed this aging heart.

But alas, the neighborhood kids, my children’s compatriots, grew up and grew out of the annual Halloween tradition. We ended up with too few kids ringing the doorbell and too much candy leftover the next day. I started to pare down the candy intake prior to October 31.

Then in 2012, Hurricane Sandy dared to put a damper on this festive night. Trick-or-Treating was practically cancelled! At least in our neighborhood as we received ZERO children donned in costumes that bitter, cold year.

Of course, Covid-19 thought He too would play havoc on our Halloween. We outsmarted Him by pre-packaging our pre-packaged candy as we eagerly set out tables in our driveways to meet the ghosts and goblins. Not to mention the young parents pulling toddlers in their wagons. This is what our neighborhood is becoming:  a new generation of kids!!!

Halloween Traditions Continue

So, on this hallowed Halloween of 2021, I had hope. Hope that I would greet pumpkins and mini-witches and Ninjas, of course. Hope that I would meet young couples bringing their off-spring to our door so I could “ooh” and “aww” over wee little pirates and princesses.

Sadly, I was tricked again. I watched them pull their wagons full of munchkins right past our driveway. Discouraged? Yes. But I did not abandon my post. Soon I was rewarded with our only Trick-or-Treaters for the evening.

As it turns out, there were two groups approaching the door simultaneously; a group of petite little girls and a dog dressed as a banana split, and a group of raucous boys ramrodding down our driveway on bikes. The boys approached like a pack of hungry wolves with one mission in mind:  CANDY, and as much as they could fit in one hand.

Do not misunderstand me. I am not condoning the stereotypes so fragilely dissected in our society today. Rather I am merely relaying my observations as the traditional roles of boys and girls unfolded before my weary eyes.

The Difference Between Boys and Girls

It was difficult to determine who arrived first, but my best guess is the girls. I could see the glow of their flashlights from the street, willing them to walk down one side of our semi-circle driveway. Instantly there was a distraction as the pack of boys roared in from the other side of the driveway, determined to arrive FIRST.

It made no difference which group got to the door first. We had plenty of candy. Still, the boys skidded their bikes to a halt causing such a commotion dismounting that all eyes were on them. It was unavoidable. These prepubescent lads were polite but in a rush. Not knowing the correct protocol for Halloween 2021, I asked if they wanted me to hand them the candy. Turns out they were quite comfortable dipping in the bucket.

The not-quite man-hands made their best effort to grab a fistful of candy. But alas, their hands were still boyish enough that they could only scoop a few of the bite size chocolates. As quickly as they arrived, whoosh, they disappeared in a flash!

When I looked up, the girls were standing demurely behind the space the boys had just vacated. Quietly and patiently they waited their turn, politely stepped up and took a single piece of candy each. I encouraged them to take more, and they daintily agreed to take one more piece. One girl carried a small felt pumpkin to hold her stash; it barely held the two pieces of candy she took from our overflowing bucket!

The tiniest girl in the middle was the spokesperson for this trio. She politely informed us her dog Piper was a banana split and she was the ice-cream scooper. Adorable. This group’s calmness and order was in complete opposition to the boys’ chaos.

Traditional Roles Continue

Now, I am a “boy mom,” proudly, loudly, and definitively, so I get boys. They make noise; a lot of it. They take up space and energy and emotions. They “wrassle,” they rumble, they tumble. All day every day. I once had a friend (a “girl mom”) ask me what my boys were doing; they poke, they prod, they jockey for position, and she stood by in disbelief watching the physicality take place. Yes, they sit on each other, for real. And it does not change much as they get older except that it becomes friendlier rather than a real rivalry. Still, they are battling for the upper hand no matter what age.

But I am also a girl – or was a girl. Now I am a full grown “boy mom.” However, I remember what it was like to be a young girl. The assumption was we were expected to defer to boys. They were deemed stronger, faster, always earning the privilege of being first. I did my best tom-boy impersonation by trying to keep up and compete with them. Yes, I discovered I was stronger and faster than some boys. Simultaneously, I discovered cute boys, and my young mind was challenged by this lurking conundrum. Murky waters to navigate for sure.

I suppose my point in relaying this Halloween story is that as much as we want things to change or hope for tilting of the scales, boys and girls are different. They are born that way. The behavior of the Trick-or-Treaters who stopped by to entertain us for all of 2-minutes was fun and festive. Their demeanor was amusing, their manners appropriate for the occasion. Yet I ponder how norms manage to stay the same, even though we may argue over the finer points of how to encourage or create change.

Whether is is nature vs. nurture, societal norms, or the inability to recognize these conventions at a young age, the difference between boys and girls is timeless, and mask or no mask on Halloween, it still rumbled – and tiptoed – down our driveway.

For more adventures on Raising Boys, read how one rambunctious boy grew up to be a kind, gentle young man as he taught his mamma – with much patience – some new skills to launch her blog: When the Student Becomes the Teacher – scribingwithscout