Wait for Green. The sign clearly states it. Wait. For. Green. It cannot be interpreted any other way. No sign is posted that reads: Please Proceed with Caution, or Thank You for Waiting, or Warning: Five Way Intersection. It is meant for all drivers to abide by this rule, no exceptions. Wait for Green.

Stated conversely: No Turn on Red.

However, the driver behind me at the red light on this particular day DID interpret the words differently and did NOT think all drivers had to abide by the law, particularly me, and herself, in this scenario. But I’ll get to Angry Driver in a minute.

I drive through this five-way intersection in my bucolic suburban town a minimum of five times a day. Sometimes I’m lucky to get the green light so I don’t have to Wait for Green; I already have Green! Sometimes I approach from a different street, so I don’t have to adhere to Wait for Green. But mark my words, when I am ready to make that right-hand turn, I dutifully Wait for Green because I am a Law-Abiding Citizen. Well, most of the time.

On this day, I was a Rule Follower. It was approximately 4:50 pm and I was making my second trip of the day to the local train station to pick my son up from work. Technically it was ‘rush hour,’ but I use that term loosely in suburbia plus school was out for the summer, so traffic conditions were light. The train station is 1.6 miles from our home, a 7-minute drive on the day in question. I’ve given myself plenty of time, I’m not in a hurry, the train usually runs late anyway.

I arrive at the five-way intersection and, on this occasion, must Wait for Green. There are cars and trucks at all the intersections, politely waiting their turn also as Law-Abiding Citizens. Suddenly, a loud, obnoxious honk occurs. I’m startled. Is someone texting at a green light and missing their turn to Go on Green thus frustrating the car behind them? Or is someone trying to make a left-hand turn when they don’t have the right of away, causing someone to lean on their horn as a warning? I quickly look around to see which driver has irritated another driver who is in a hurry to get home to make dinner.

Turns out, it’s me. I’ve irritated the driver behind me because I must Wait for Green.

I’m perplexed. The sign is a bit askew; after all, it’s a burdensome job asking drivers to wait all day. Maybe the sign just got tired of stating the rule or wilted in the humidity of the early summer weather. Clearly the driver behind me must see it. She’s not light on the horn either. I haven’t been day dreaming nor am I guilty of failing any other driving etiquette. But she’s annoyed, leaning on that horn like it’s her job.

I politely gesture to the sign: See, I must Wait for Green. More anger from her horn. I gesture again, a bit more emphatically this time. No relief from her AT ALL. She must be in a BIG hurry to make dinner!

Directly across the intersection is a landscaping crew driving their trucks and mowers back to their garage for the day. They have reason to be cranky because it’s hot and humid out and they are working in the heat all stinking day. Angry Driver and myself are sitting in air-conditioned cars. We’re cool as cucumbers, or at least I was until she started blaring her horn!

Turns out the landscapers are on MY side!!! They start yelling out their windows to her because she is creating unnecessary chaos. They give me courage; I just want her to be reasonable and stop honking at me. I’m not a stupid person and can clearly read the sign!

What happens next is a bit out of character for me, but I can be confrontational when necessary. I put my car in park, think to myself that I am thankful my appearance is presentable (I’m not wearing my standard baseball cap and t-shirt), open the door, and confidently step out into the road. The landscapers go crazy, whooping and hollering, giving me more courage.

Angry Driver rolls down her window only part way (chicken) and starts berating me for not making the right turn. Again, I point to the sign and explain what Wait for Green is trying to tell us. Turns out she is in fact stupid because she screams, “That doesn’t mean you can’t turn on red!!!!!” Well, as a matter of fact…. you can’t when the sign posted says Wait for Green (or, as stated previously, it conversely means: No Turn on Red).

Reasoning with her wasn’t the way to go, but the landscapers were loving it. Best show they had all day. The cars behind Angry Driver now start honking, even though the light is still red – it’s a long, long red light, adding to Angry Driver’s frustration. She’s having none of my diplomacy, so I’m done being nice.

What happens next is also a bit out of character for me, but, when pushed too far, I can be bold. I will omit the details and leave you with your clean-cut image of me, but I did give her a few choice words, made an ugly gesture, and decided she wasn’t worth my energy.

Retreating to my car, I had one option left to satisfy this grudge match. She was still leaning on her horn, the light was STILL red, and my calm exterior was unraveling quickly. I could wait out the green light. Not move. Play Devil’s Advocate. Just sit still. That would be quite satisfying. But…I had to contend with the cacophony of accompanying horns from the line of cars behind Angry Driver. It didn’t seem fair. They too probably had dinner to make.

In the end, I am sure Angry Driver somehow felt justified as she blew through the intersection once I made the right-hand turn when the light finally turned green. The landscapers gave the scene once last hurrah as they drove by, onward to their dinner, and the intersection resumed tranquility again.

When I finally arrived at the train station to pick up my son, I was still a bit unnerved. Before telling him the story, I asked how he interprets Wait for Green. Simply stated, he said, “It means No Turn on Red.” Good boy. He too is a Law-Abiding Citizen.

The lesson learned: Wait for Green = No Turn on Red 😊