This is my “Sorry, Not Sorry” story, and I’m not sorry for writing it.

As women, we apologize. Constantly. For things we do that are benign and for things that really are not our fault. Bumping into someone in the grocery store. Accidentally cutting in front of someone while lost in your own thoughts while meandering through the mall. Crossing the street when it is your right of way, but the driver still cuts you off.

However, it is never more apparent to me, though, than when I am on the tennis court.

If you know me, you already realize I am passionate about the game and will play at any given opportunity. I am fiercely competitive, equally fair, and the Black Widow of interclub tennis having lost two previous tennis partners to ACL tears while playing on the court with me. Don’t worry, my current partner is aware of my history and is still willing to play on the deuce side.

Despite the injuries surrounding me, I am blessed to play at full capacity and feel grateful every time I leave the court.

But besides being competitive and fair and blessed in health, evidently, I too am sorry.

This one annoying word slips out of my mouth repeatedly throughout a match. I might as well be cursing as the use of the pathetic word frustrates me to no end.

I apologize for missed shots, I apologize for unforced errors, I apologize for stepping in front of my partner for taking a shot that wasn’t mine.

I also apologize for shots my partner misses, and occasionally I apologize to my opponent if I hit a winner directly at her or if her serve is wide. Why in the world would I apologize for that? Yet I do.

The list goes on, but you get the idea; I use the word sorry a ton while I’m on the court.

What really brought the issue to light was while playing last week, I heard the word sorry uttered from the next court. My head swiveled as I felt a pang of empathy for the player who also felt she had to apologize for her miscue with her partner. And they were only in the warm-up stage!

Then I realized, it was going on all around me. All the ladies were sorry, even my own partner from time to time.

But what are we really apologizing for? A game dotted with unforced errors? Our ability to be human on the court while playing a game we enjoy yet while making mistakes? Or are we apologizing for the antiquated perception of how a woman should behave, polite, demur, respectful?

We even apologize when the match is over! Sorry we didn’t give you a good match today. Sorry I beat the crap out of you! Ridiculous, right?

I took to the internet to gain an understanding of the phenomenon, and it is exactly what one might anticipate:  men and women have different ideas about what type of behavior constitutes an ‘apology-worthy’ offense according to a March 2019 article by Amy Morin entitled Women Really Do Apologize more then Men. Here’s Why (and it Has Nothing to Do with Men Refusing to Admit Wrongdoing).

According to Morin’s findings, women have a different viewpoint (lower threshold) on behavior that deems an apology. While men will apologize when they think they have offended someone, it does not occur as often because, simply put, they view life differently. Women have this false notion that we have engaged in more actions that require an apology.

For years I have tried to eliminate the word from my vocabulary, and I have found some success when writing a letter or email. I will begin my acknowledgment of partial fault with, “I apologize…” if I believe I have cause to apologize, but I will not put into writing that I am sorry.

I shouldn’t be sorry if I ran past the 24-hour rule for responding to an email BUT I can acknowledge that I was untimely. Thus, “I apologize for the delay…”

I shouldn’t be sorry for inadvertently bumping into someone who may rudely have stepped in front of me while I was trying to take my place in the checkout line. Excuse me works just as well and doesn’t relinquish fault.

And I shouldn’t be sorry if your partner threw up a juicy, short lob that is just craving to be drilled at the net player. Your partner should be apologizing all the way to the end of the match for getting you nailed at the net.

Try an experiment, especially if you are a woman. Count how many times a day you utter the “S” word; I’m willing to bet the many times the word crosses your lips it wasn’t even necessary. But go easy on yourself; bad habits are hard to break.

The next time you are shopping, walking, parking, interacting – or playing tennis – don’t be sorry. Go out there and conquer the day – or the net – no apologies necessary.