I’ve given this notion some thought for the past few months, although clearly the answer was simple all along and always right in front of me, every single day, whether hosting a house full of boys or even a room full of boys, but more often it occurred on a daily basis when sitting down to a family meal.

I didn’t need a list of “Ten Commandments for Teenage Boys” or “21 Things I Want Teenage Boys to Know Before They Turn 21” to make sense out of testosterone and to guide the saplings at my table.

I only need one go-to, never-turn-your-back-on rule that can be practiced anywhere and everywhere:  at home, in a restaurant, in the cafeteria, at your girlfriend’s house, at your grandparents’ house.  It…was…that…simple.

This is what I really want my boys to know as they make their way in the world:

 #1 Rule:  Always Push in Your Chair

That’s it.  One little rule to steer them in the right direction, and hopefully polite behavior will fall into place from there.

More specifically, after you finish a meal and neatly wipe your mouth, making sure no crumbs fall to the floor (ahem), stand up while politely and quietly pushing your chair in under the table.

It speaks volumes, to the other people at the table, to the other people in the room, and most importantly, to your mom.

Okay, maybe it only speaks volumes to your mom.  Afterall, your etiquette is a direct reflection on her, but I’m here to tell you why I think pushing in your chair is always important and why it says much about a man’s character.

Once you get up from the table, pushing in your chair demonstrates respect.  No matter the setting or surroundings, this small gesture shows your respect for the host or hostess, for the establishment itself, and for the people generally surrounding you whether it be out in public or informally at home around the family dinner table, whether there are four people or twelve people gathered at this table, whether they are friends, family, or strangers.  Effectively, the gentle gesture always gives a nod to discipline.

According to this mom, it also signals respect for yourself as you display manners, decorum, and confidence by exhibiting this thoughtful act. You demonstrate that you respect yourself and your space, dear sons, so tidy up by undertaking a grand gesture of a small proportion and push in the chair that so comfortably provided you a seat for the duration of the meal.

As a woman, I hold myself to the same standards.

In direct opposition to this concept of nobility is, of course, lack of respect, disregard for propriety, complete disdain for conformity.  And if there is one thing this mom dislikes, it is lack of respect and the chaos tagging along.

By NOT pushing in your chair you are signaling to the world that you matter more, that your being is more important than the rest of those in the room, that your ego is bigger, and quite frankly that you assume someone else will push in the chair for you, in a sense cleaning up after you because you can’t be bothered.

I greet this type of behavior with disdain.  If I witness a man rising from his chair and leaving it in the aisle for someone to trip over or bump into, I immediately assess that man as someone without manners, someone who lacks dignity, or possibly even someone who is insecure.  Maybe all the above.

Chivalry is not lost, people.  Call me old-fashioned, but I like when a man pulls out the chair for me as I sit down.  Don’t hate me for saying as much but the world feels balanced with these small acts from a forgotten time, and I wouldn’t mind if I witnessed my sons displaying some chivalry on occasion.

I grew up in a small town where teenage boys who took me to the movies or picked me up after my shift at the local hamburger joint opened the car door for me.  Maybe I was unrefined as a teenage girl, but I still commanded respect to be treated like a lady.  At that time in my young life, I took it for granted, but opening car doors for ladies would be a close second on my list of rules for my boys.  It’s a lost art that could use a comeback.

There is no reason NOT to put others first by displaying regard and respect for those around you, and it could start, or end, with the chair.  Think of the waiter who took your order and brought your meal, the people sitting at the tables in your vicinity, or your mom who any day of the week not only prepares meals but has your back every step of the way.

But pushing in your chairs is not just for my benefit, dear boys.  It is for your girlfriends, your future wives, and your future mothers-in-law.  It is for all the people forever known and unknown to you whom you will encounter along the way.  It is to demonstrate not only your respect for the world at large but to demonstrate respect for yourselves.  A quiet, silent gesture will go a long way, and trust me, it will be noted.

And yes, it will make your momma proud whether she is there to witness it or not.  It will let the world know she raised you well.

So, my sons, be gentlemen, and always push in your chair.