It took three years, three months, approximately one week and a few days, but I finally did it. I broke through the wall. No more anger, no more sadness, no more grief. Okay, maybe a little grief here and there for a family lost, or what I thought a family was supposed to look like, but on a day-to-day basis, I am whole again. Functioning on all cylinders, no longer limping over the finish line or dreading commitments or holding on to loss. I broke through the $%&* wall.

I never thought of healing from divorce as going through a wall, but when I sat down to lunch with two friends, declaring I’m over it (as mentioned above), one proclaimed, “You did it! You went through the wall!” Well, alright. I guess I did.

It’s a great visual and sums up how I feel now that I am on the other side of the wall. I’m a new person – well, a different person, but nonetheless, a whole person again. I am a better mother, daughter, sister, friend. Less anxious, less tired, more confident, continuing to move forward in a positive way. I have added new activities and friends to my week, and I continue to participate in the exploits I have always enjoyed. Mixing the old with the new.

Another friend, also divorced, told me it would take three – five years to put divorce behind me (I’m paraphrasing, but you get the gist). When she first said this, it sounded like forever. I wanted to be healed and whole NOW, not five years from now! In the end, it only took three years, three months, approximately one week and a few days, but this discernment was helpful, recognizing my resurrection might not happen overnight. I was thankful for this insight because it allowed me to be patient, especially at my weakest, most vulnerable moments.

Interestingly, or oddly, take your pick, it got worse the closer I got to the wall. In year one my focus was “get out and take my sanity with me.” In year two, it was “get settled and move on,” while in year three, I was at a loss. I accomplished what I set out to do. Now what since I was out, settled, and moved on, so now what? Time to get busy and get rid of the unhealthy energy surging through my veins. Best efforts but I was spiraling into a steady decline instead of free-flowing forward.

What happened next? I crashed hard. At a low point between major holidays because of events I couldn’t control, I subsequently, lost control of my emotions. I reached out to my doctor for assistance, balanced my serotonin levels, took deep breaths, exercised in some form daily, and wrote essays in my sleep.

What happened next? I survived. I came through that wall like a mother and never looked back. Don’t care, don’t worry, can’t change the past. Moving forward fast and furiously as I start anew. All it took was three years, three months, approximately one week, and a few days.

This article first appeared on my Scribing with Scout Substack page. In case you missed it, I thought it was worth sharing because there is strength in breaking through the wall of any emotional turmoil.

Here is a “poem” if you will, from way, way back. I Am the Voice for Those Who May Feel Silence – scribingwithscout LLC %