Letting go is never easy, and this time around it was going to be rough.
I could hear the excitement in my son’s voice.
It was the first time in an exceptionally long time – six months at least – that I heard this amount of energy from this stoic young man.
It pained me and pleased me simultaneously. Such a mixed bag of emotions, not at all unfamiliar to me, but here I was grappling with them again.
The source of my son’s excitement?
He will be moving out in three weeks. No different from what occurs every year at the end of summer, with one big exception. This time it is for real. This time it is forever.
The conversation about the inevitable started a week ago. Who he was going to live with and when he would move in. Last week it was simply talk.
Last night it took on a life of its own and escalated quickly into reality. As in, “This is happening, Mom, and you might not like it, but you better get used to it.”
Yes, he is leaving. I will keep reminding myself.
The simplicity of the situation is heart-warming. It involves discussing what he will need, bare minimum, to furnish, and I use that word loosely, his new bedroom, which is more like a broom closet with its own broom closet for his clothes.
But he is excited. For the first time in an excruciatingly long time. Finally, something to look forward to in his future that lies beyond the confinement and comforts of home.
Robbed of the opportunity to spend his last few months on campus with his friends, steeped in rich traditions reserved for the seniors at his university, the COVID-19 pandemic cut his senior year in college short. He was stripped of the chance to wear the cap and gown, proceed through the ceremony with people whom he met four short years ago and are now life-long friends.
But as with everything else that is happening around him, he accepted, adjusted, and now is ready to move on and move out.
After patiently waiting, picking up a food industry job over the summer to earn some cushioning money for a soft landing in the big city, and mentally preparing for this moment, he now has the opportunity to live with these life-long friends he made four short years ago.
He is pumped, to say the least.
This extra time of having my college graduate home for an extended summer has spoiled me. Actually, I have relished having this young man grace these hallowed halls, to linger in his childhood home for a few extra months. I find comfort in knowing my family was restored to its original version, even if temporarily. It warms this mamma’s heart.
But now it comes to a crashing halt.
As I watch him peruse different web sites on his computer, searching for certain items that will fit the dimensions of the limited space he will have in his new abode, I know it is time. His time.
I watch him and choke up. He watches me watch him and smiles as I struggle to contain my emotions. He hasn’t even left yet.
We have learned and grown together, and we have said good-bye before. Yet the permanency of this situation is difficult to absorb.
I will nurse the hole in my heart the size of the soccer ball he used to kick around. I will be fine because I know he will be fine. However, it doesn’t mean I will miss him any less.
Good luck, my son, my first born, as you find your way in this every-changing world. Be safe, be smart, be strong, but mostly, remember your mother will always have your back. I am only a phone call (or train ride) away.
What a difference a year makes! Read about last summer’s launch into the Big Apple for an internship. Now we get to do it all over again but this time it’s for real!!!
14 comments On Letting Go is Never Easy; This Time It’s for Real
Super Jacquelyn!!
Jackie, wow. Another wonderful, warm, incredible depiction – so beautifully written. It makes me miss him already! Not sure if this helps but we are living parallel lives on this topic. Our Jimmy has launched as well.
I didn’t mean or need to be anonymous!
I love this Jackie! So hard when they leave home. Best of luck to Jimmy!
Oh my goodness….this brought tears to my eyes. I have enjoyed so much having everyone home in my household but you reminded me it is only temporary.
Can’t we just go back to kindergarten at the Haverford School for a little while???
This extremely well written story hit home hard. You nailed exactly how I feel xo
Aww, the time has come . I know you enjoyed this unexpected family time with the boys.. Good luck to Jimmy and you my friend!
Ugh…I feel this one in the pit of my stomach! Letting go is so hard!!
My heart is holding you…lifting for for him…KST.
Beautifully expressed!
Hi JACKIE ~ the good news is you both will always be connected, because you did a nice job raising him, he is a real genuine soul who cares about you~ and he will be back to visit and be a part of your life forever. Well written JPT, naturally!😘❤
You got this Jackie! NYC is a train ride away. Just think of all the fun places you will get to experience with him. Enjoy the time when you are in the Big Apple visiting him! I am always thankful when I get home to my “larger” living space. 🙂 Good Luck to Jimmy!
It is Laurie D. 🙂
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Mother of two boys, house manager, ex-chauffeur, organizer of all things, pet proprietor.
Seeking to find my voice through the written word.
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